Love Hurts .....

After last weekend's result at the Desert Solstice 24 Hour, I was expecting my next post to be positive, upbeat and feeling ready to tackle anything. Even yesterday's Turkeys on the Trail was tons of fun, and I was beaming with joy as I ran along with Wilson and Tillie on the short 5km fun run, whilst Andy sat waiting for us with Brandy who was still recovering from surgery.

But if running for 24 hours has taught me anything, it has taught me that a lot can happen in such a short space of time. My joy and happiness at having our little family back together again and getting into the Christmas spirit was snatched away this morning, when I came down the stairs to be told that "she's gone". The shock, denial, heartbreak, confusion, and the immediate grief and sense of loss I felt in that few seconds hasn't yet subsided and I'm still tearing up and finding it very hard to come to terms with.

Let's backtrack a little.

Last weekend was awesome. Dennene and I had a fantastic time in Phoenix and whilst I didn't hit my goal of 215km, I still ran just over 200km or close to  125 miles. For the most part, my pacing was spot on and I felt strong and consistent for quite a while. But once again my nutrition let me down and I found myself throwing up on the grass, in garbage cans and in the toilets on something like 5 occasions. I'd gone through 80 miles in around 13 hours and with 11 hours remaining to do "just" 55 miles to hit my goal, it seemed like I had it in the bag. But like I said, a lot can happen in 24 hours and I fell short of my goal but was still very happy with the result, especially given that I'd finished 3rd lady in one of the most elitist races in the USA. Of course, my performance pails into insignificance when  compared to those that set records on the day, but that's not to say that I - and those other non-record breaking runners - didn't give it OUR all that day too and we had to dig deep towards the end.

Final hours at DS 24 

Arriving back home in Leduc, I was feeling really happy that I'd ended my racing year on a high and I was looking forward to finally spending some time with Andy and the 3 pups. Andy hadn't been home for nearly 3 months and it was great to have our small family together at last. We started to plan for Christmas, finally putting the tree up along with some decorations outside. Our evening walks at the dog park were lots of fun, and we laughed lots as we watched the three pups playing in the snow together. 

Andy home and the dogs are loving playing at the dog park :-)

During this time at the dog park, we noticed that Brandy seemed to be getting a little more tired than usual and after the first 20 minutes of running around and playing, she would start stopping and sitting down as if resting her legs. With her having had surgery on her knee just 3 months ago and being well aware that it can take up to 6 months before she would get full strength back in her leg, we didn't think anything of it, and just waited patiently until she was ready to move again. She was still happy in herself and was eating and drinking well, although we had noticed that she had started to eat a lot of snow/ She also seemed to have got bored of her usual dog food for dinner so we had to mix things up a bit before she finally started eating properly again.

On Saturday, I had registered for the Turkeys on the Trail 5km Fun Run. This was such an awesome event where the entry fee was a frozen turkey for the local food bank or a monetary donation which would go to the same cause. Having ran Desert Solstice the previous weekend, I didn't want to get back into things too quickly and figured that the 5km would be just right. In addition, dogs were allowed to take part so I had agreed with Andy that I would run with Tillie and Wilson whilst he waited with Brandy for the half hour or so that we would be running.

Turkeys on the Trail with the three pups on Saturday :-)

The run was awesome and I was so so happy to be running along with both dogs. Their tails were high in the air, Wilson was literally smiling whilst Tillie just ran alongside him wondering what it was all about. The excitement of running with two dogs put aside any aches or pains from the previous weekend of racing and I have to say that the legs felt pretty good. The only issue was the icy pathway - even with spikes on the shoes I nearly slipped over a couple of times as Wilson got into his usual whippet sprint mode whilst both Tillie and I frantically tried to keep up!

On completion of the run, I headed back to the car to find Andy and Brandy and was shocked to see Brandy sprawled out on the floor. She had fallen out of the car and despite Andy trying to help her up, she just didn't seem to have the strength to pick herself up. I should mention that Andy has injured his arm right now and has been in some discomfort and pain for a while, and he was finding it difficult to help Brandy to stand up.

But something wasn't right with Brandy. Even when I managed to help her up, she couldn't seem to stand on all fours and she fell down again. It was extremely worrying and as soon as we managed to get her in the car again, I called the vets for an appointment and had her booked in for first thing Monday morning.

We headed back home and once again, Brandy was having trouble trying to get out of the car and she didn't seem to have the strength to get into the house. We managed to get her inside and she just flopped down on the rug and went to sleep. It was pretty obvious that something wasn't right, but she was showing no signs of any other problems - no vomiting, she was still eating healthily, her poop was still good poop, and in herself, she was still bright and alert. But as we watched her, we could see that whenever she was trying to get up, it was as if her body wasn't responding.

After we had fed her, she slept for the rest of the evening and come midnight, we knew that she needed to go outside. We tried to encourage her, but she just wasn't having it and when we tried to get her to stand up, once again she had problems stabilising her legs and flopped back down. Not wanting to cause her any more distress, we left her be and instead, I gave her a full body massage as she lay down on the rug and she even rolled onto her side to let me tickle and kiss her belly. She looked so happy and relaxed and certainly not in any pain or discomfort that would give us  any major cause for concern. We knew she would be going to the vets on Monday morning - if we could just make her comfortable until then, she'd be ok. I gave her a big cuddle, put a blanket over her and a pillow under her head, and then put a soft toy next to her which she snuggled up to. I then gave her a kiss and told her I'd see her in the morning.

At 8am Sunday morning, Andy and I found Brandy in that exact same position and I heard those words, "she's gone". Brandy had passed away peacefully in her sleep and even now we have no idea what or why this happened. We've spent the whole day pondering, wondering, feeling guilty, feeling angry, confused, bewildered and shaking our heads in disbelief. Why? 

Brandy was only just 6 years old and other than her recent knee surgery, she had always been a healthy dog that caused us no concerns. We don't believe that any of this is as a result of surgery but we think that something more sinister was going on inside. Brandy never showed any signs of discomfort or pain, she was always a fighter, and we will never know truly what happened to her. All we know is that she has left a huge void in our lives that is going to take some getting used to. That girl was amazing and I just hope she realised how much we loved her, and no matter what, we would have spent thousands of dollars on her if it had meant we could have had her in lives to live the full life she was meant to have.

I'm not a religious person but it comforts me thinking that maybe Brandy was needed in another life, by somebody that needed a loyal, trustworthy companion that would love them unconditionally, just as she did us. We had 6 wonderful years with this beautiful girl and made so many happy, loving memories together that we will treasure forever. There will never be another dog that could replace Brandy, and we certainly wouldn't want them to.

I feel blessed that we still have Wilson and Tillie, two other amazing pups that of course also mean the world to us. They've sensed that things are different today and they have been somewhat more attentive and clingy. Now is the time to hold them close so we can all help eachother to overcome the hurt and pain that we are currently feeling. It hurts that this has happened so close to Christmas, that it has happened in such a short space of time since Andy finally got to join us at home, and he's had so little time to spend with Brandy who was always a daddy's girl. But in that short time, Brandy gave and received so much love and attention, and she still made us laugh and smile in her final days with her mischievous play and stubborn personality.

I really don't know how to end this except to say that we have received so many messages from friends today that we know for sure that the love for Brandy didn't just stop at these four walls - it spread much, much further afield and both Andy and I want to thank you all for the messages. Grief is such a strange thing and people handle it in many different ways. For me personally, your words of comfort have been greatly appreciated and they are already starting to help me through the process and come to terms with the loss of Brandy. She will never ever be forgotten, and I'm thankful that she left this world peacefully in the comfort of her own home where she was loved and cherished - Brandy was an intelligent girl and I'm sure she knew how much she meant to us.

Brandy Brampster just last week - looking happy and relaxed at the dog park.
RIP Princess - we already miss you xxxx

Life's Curve Balls

Life has a habit of throwing us curve balls and over the years, I’ve certainly learnt to adapt and to maintain my optimistic outlook on things. This generally happens when I’m in control, not that I’m a control freak by a long shot, but I do like things to be orderly and to be completed within a reasonable time frame.

As soon as I arrived home from Javelina at the end of October, I knew that I needed to renew my passport as it wouldn’t have the full 6 months before expiry that is required to access the USA again in December for Desert Solstice. It was one of those things that I should have done during the summer months when travel plans hadn’t been confirmed, but with Andy being away so much and with having to deal with Brandy and Wilson’s regular visits to the vets along with a whole multitude of other things, I never got around to it.

I applied to renew online which was meant to reduce errors and speed up the process – the average time quoted for renewal of a British passport from overseas said 6 weeks but it was usually around 4 weeks – from my perspective, I had plenty of time and was convinced it would return in time for our next flight to Phoenix on December 6^th.

It was quite interesting tracking my humble little passport on its travels across Canada and then it’s journey over the Atlantic Ocean, but on its arrival in the UK, it stalled. It was stuck in customs awaiting clearance for 9 days and I was so frustrated and angry but there was no way I could speed up the process. It eventually arrived at the passport office in Durham where it was once again sitting in a queue awaiting further action.

Believe it or not, I’m not stupid and I am well aware that there are thousands of others applying to renew passports every day but having seen my poor little red passport again just waiting for the past 5 days, the frustration once again started to build. It still needed to be approved, then printed, then prepared for posting, and then it had to travel 4,500 miles to eventually land on my doormat here in Leduc. I am meant to be travelling to Phoenix in 2 weeks and whilst it has now passed to the printing stage, I am started to think that my ambitious plans for Desert Solstice will not come into fruition, simply because my passport will not arrive in time. I investigated the requirements for obtaining an emergency travel document and whilst this would involve a trip to Vancouver, I was happy to do it if it meant I could still race. But then I cannot apply for an ESTA on the ETD, I needed a visa. I already have a visa, but this too is stuck in England in my old passport - US immigration needs to see the actual visa despite everything being electronic so I couldn’t even use a colour photocopy, and they won’t issue duplicates – I would need to apply for a new visa and cancel the old one.

Needless to say, it’s been pretty stressful for the past 3 weeks have been which I could have done without given that I have a big race on the horizon.

As the old wartime British posters used to say, I’ve tried to keep calm and carry on, and I have still been following my training plan in the hope that the fitness I am feeling will be put to good use in a little over 2 weeks.

Post run pizza with Dennene - that was a great session :-)

As the ice and snow arrived in Leduc, I turned to running indoors for my faster paced runs and a couple of weeks ago, I joined my DS Crew Chief Dennene at the indoor track in St Albert for a 15 miles steady run. I was greatly encouraged by this run, running strong for just under 2 hours and maintaining a consistent pace of around 7.37 miling – 90 laps of the track went extremely quickly and I felt focused the whole time.

The following day, I joined a webinar with the GB 24 hour squad and it was great to see old and new friends on the screen and to chat about the World Champs along with motivation techniques during training and racing. Talking to such an amazing group of athletes certainly made me feel even more motivated and determined to make that British team standard, and I put the thoughts of a delayed passport to the back of my mind.

Despite the treacherous conditions on the pavements, I have been doing some outside running and have joined the Wild Rose Runners on a couple of runs this past week or two, as well as completing some slower, easy solo runs around roads and trails in Leduc. These too have gone extremely well, and with the track sessions, I felt like my prep for Desert Solstice really couldn’t be going any better.

Trail run with a few of the Wild Rose Runners

But then the next curveball got thrown at me.

Last Wednesday I once again went to the indoor track, this time for a 6-mile tempo run, and I was really looking forward to seeing what I could do and how it would feel.

I arrived before 6pm and it was so quiet that it made me even happier and I started the run feeling fantastic, knocking out what felt like a comfortable 6.35 minute-miling pace. As the hands on the clock signaled the hour, a group of about 20 young children joined me on the track and they wanted to sprint past me and cut in front of me to prevent me overtaking them, despite me having far longer legs and running much faster for longer. I lost count of the amount of times I had to dodge them and after 10 minutes I was getting so annoyed that I stopped to help me to refocus.

Cue the next two groups, both consisting of about 10 to 15 teenage lads who were all trying to impress each other my doing pull ups from the low ceiling whilst in the middle of the track. Yet again, I found myself swerving and weaving and dodging, getting even more frustrated at the older group as they did their warm up and wandered on to the track without checking for others, then jumping out of the way at the last minute as I tried to pass by.

It was inevitable that with so many people using a 195-metre track, there would be a collision at some point and about 4 miles into my tempo run (which had now become more of a rep session due to all the stopping!), I collided with the older lads as they were doing their warmup and walked straight in front of me without looking. I stumbled, punched one in the stomach as I was running fast, and kicked another as I tried to avoid an embarrassing fall – I was so pissed off!

I’m usually quite tolerant of others using the track and expect the younger kids to be unaware of track etiquette, but these lads were so ignorant. I tried extremely hard not to yell at them, but I was fuming!

Following that collision, I noticed a tightness in my glute and my calf started to get sore, and whilst I completed the session at a good pace, I literally limped the last couple of laps as the soreness in both legs got gradually worse.

Since that session I have ran and I did do another 12 miles at the track last weekend, but my left glute and my right calf are still not happy. This week I have some faster paced sessions scheduled in, but I am trying desperately to be disciplined and trying not to run for the next couple of days to give things time to settle down, concentrating instead on stretching, icing and massage. I’m meant to be joining Dennene in St Albert again on Saturday, this time for 20 miles, but I need to see how the next couple of days pan out as I don’t want to make things worse.

I’m trying not to take the delayed passport and the niggles as negatives. Along with my DNF at the recent Javelina Jundred, I’d like to think that things can only improve from here onwards and I will do all I can to ensure that if I do make it to Desert Solstice, I will do the best I can to qualify for the British Team, given the added stress and worries this past month.

On a positive note, Andy will hopefully be joining us in Leduc next week and he will be here for the whole of December – whoo hoo! I’ve also started to plan my races out for next year and have already registered for the Blackfoot Ultra 100km in May which will be one of my goal races. In addition, I hoping to register for the Canadian Death Race (125km) in August, and then fingers crossed, the World 24 hour Championships in October which will take place in France. If the latter doesn’t happen, provisional plans are to return to the desert for the Javelina Jundred where I will once again target that sub 19 hours that I know for sure I am capable of.

For now, I’m taking things a day at a time and maintaining that positive focus on December 8^th. If things change, rest assured you’ll be the first to know 😉

Happy trails and happy running to you all!

Back on the Track again :-)

It’s 2 weeks since Javelina and I have to say that my body seems to have recovered ok and I was back running by the following Wednesday, albeit only 3 miles or so at an easier 9-minute mile pace. By the following Sunday, I was back up to 7 miles and having picked up the pace for a couple of miles mid-run, I was happy to see that I was running a relatively comfortable 7.35 pace.

I’ve since received my next block of training from Adam in the lead-up to Desert Solstice 24-hour race on December 8^th and whilst the mileage is low, the intensity is high which will hopefully benefit me next month.

Having arrived back home in Leduc just over a week ago, I was greeted with much colder weather and it is pretty much certain now that winter has finally arrived. We had some snowfall a few days ago and with frigid temperatures of -10 even during the day, it’s pretty slippery outside on the pavements. The cold weather really doesn’t bother me and I still run outside, but with some of my runs being at a faster pace, I don’t want to risk a fall that will put DS in jeopardy.

Last Saturday, I joined the Wild Rose Runners for a lovely trail run in Devon. The snow made it look like a winter wonderland and I was beaming with happiness at how beautiful it looked with the trails and the trees covered in snow that glistened in the sunlight as we passed through. Running in fresh snow is much more fun and less risky, but the pavements back in town were so icy that we all tentatively jogged to parking lot, trying to avoid embarrassing ourselves with a clumsy fall.

Snowy Devon Trails :-)

Snow trails in Devon :-)

My first run of the new week was an 8 mile negative split and I so desperately wanted to run outside but I knew that it would be too risky. I do have a treadmill which is currently in our heated garage, but whilst doing a hill session a couple of months ago, the belt slipped off and I haven’t yet had the time to fix it. This meant that I either had to do a slow run outside or finally head over to the Leduc Recreation Centre to use either the indoor track or one of their treadmills.

I haven’t been to a gym or rec centre in a long time – I actually find them quite intimidating with all the folks there working with personal trainers to improve the muscle tone on their already considerably perfect bodies. For a runner, I’m not particularly toned nor strong and I didn’t want to look frumpy in front of all these other folks - yes, even runners can have issues with their body image in certain situations! – and I knew that I would probably feel extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable.

I dithered most of the day trying to decide what to do, and after a walk at the dog park, I bit the bullet and headed back to the rec centre to purchase a membership.

I really needn’t have worried. The lady on reception was most welcoming and she had actually seen me out running around Leduc for the past few months (that’s what happens when you live in a city with just 34,000 people – everybody seems to  know each other or is a friend of a friend), and all of the other folks using the centre didn’t stare or point at me – phew! In fact, everybody was amazing, and a couple of folks even went out of their way to come and talk to me because of my accent – I guess a Stokie accent really does break the ice!

The next dilemma was whether to run on the track or on the treadmill. I had been told by a couple of folks that the indoor track wasn’t particularly good and wasn’t even the usual 200m that you expect at an indoor. I took a look and discovered that it was around 195m if using the outside lane – stuff it, Desert Solstice is on the track so I may as well get used to it. I stripped down to my shorts and t-shirt, and an hour later, I had completed 67 laps of the track in a little over an hour to give me my full 8 miles. I was so chuffed!

Running on the track for that long wasn’t actually too bad. I put my music on, got my head down and found myself in good a rhythm that I was able to keep going. There were a few PT sessions going on around the track and a couple of groups of school kids were also running which meant some weaving in and out at times, but in general I can honestly say that I found the change of environment fun and I felt good, knocking out consistent 57/58 second laps and then 51/52 second laps when I had to pick things up. I fully intend to use the track or the treadmill for all my faster paced workouts during the winter months, or at least for as long as the snow and ice is on the ground, and of course the track running will be perfect practice both mentally and physically for when I do DS in just over a month’s time.

Trying to calculate how number of laps for 8 miles!

Talking of Desert Solstice, I am absolutely delighted to say that in the absence of Andy, my good friend Dennene has offered to crew me at the race and she will be flying down to Phoenix with me. For those of you that don’t know Dennene, she is pretty awesome! She too had a rough day at JJ the other week and is no stranger to trials and tribulations of ultra-running having been there herself. She’s also ran on the Canadian National Team at both 100k and 24 hours, and I know that her experience will be of great benefit to me. The good news is that Dennene will be running ATY at the end of the year so we hope to do some runs together, starting this weekend when once again we’ll be hitting the indoor track for a couple of hours, followed by coffee and maybe a spot of lunch. WE're both feeling extremely motivated about things right now, and I think we are feeding off each other's energy which can only be a positive thing.

Me and Dennene on a trail run in Phoenix :-)

It’s funny how the mind works and I’m feeling optimistic about DS as things stand. I’ve already identified my 3-tier goals – I just have to get through the next 4 weeks of training without overdoing things, and hopefully this time, things will come together on the day.

Happy trails - and track running! - my friends :-)

Javelina Jundred - A Mental Game

DNF - Did Not Finish - a phrase that for some reason makes some runners feel like a failure. It means you quit. It means you weren't mentally or physically strong enough to push through things when the going got tough during a race. It's even worse when you were well within the cut-offs, when you're not injured, or when technically speaking there was really nothing wrong with you and you could have continued if you were willing to push through several more hours on the trail, regardless of the continuous vomiting that is sapping every ounce of your energy and not being able to keep food or fluids down. Sure, the body will eventually sort itself out, but I like to run for the fun of it and when it stops being fun, no matter how much you try to convince yourself otherwise, that is the time to stop.

Let's go back a couple of months. I had a great race at Iron Legs. It certainly wasn't pain free, there were times when I felt dizzy and out of sorts and it got pretty tough in places, but the difference that day was that I was mentally strong - my mind convinced my body it was ok to carry on when things got tough, and I achieved what I set out to do.

Shortly after that race, Brandy had surgery on her leg and for the next couple of months, I spent 2 to 3 hours every day massaging and icing her leg, doing physio with her and trying to make her as comfortable as possible. She was on limited exercise which meant lifting her and carrying her around the house and up and down steps when she needed the bathroom, and whereas normally I would be walking all 3 dogs together, Brandy had to go separately which meant 6 walks a day which took up even more of my time and energy.

In addition to this, Andy has worked away ALOT! The original plan when moving back to Canada was for him to work extra hours each week so that every month he could have a long weekend and come to visit us in Leduc. That has not happened and I have spent pretty much all of the past 7 months living on my own and I've been lucky if Andy has spent 3 weeks here in all that time. You see, Andy and I are a team - we share the chores, we share the care of the pups, and we support each other. In his absence, I've been trying to cram in everything on my own whilst working full time and also trying to train for a 100 mile race - it has been exhausting, probably more so than I realised, and in recent weeks I have been falling asleep as soon as I've sat on the sofa on an evening at 9pm, and slept through until 6am the following day when it starts all over again.

The good news is that my running had been going well and I felt ready for a great race at Javelina, confident of a sub 20 hours if not the 18.xx that I still know I am capable of. Yes I'd been having tight glutes on and off for a while now but it was manageable. I'd also had a couple of sessions where I couldn't seem to find my rhythm and I've felt a little out of tune with things but I honestly thought I'd be ok and boarded my flight to Phoenix with optimism.

It was strange landing in Phoenix having been living in small town Leduc for the past few months. It was good to be back and even the heat didn't seem too bad on my arrival, but it did feel hectic and busy and chaotic, things I am not familiar with these days having spent so much time on my own. We met up with friends on both the Thursday and Friday and it was great to have a chat and catch up, whilst Friday afternoon was spent at Fort McDowell at the race expo before heading to the park itself to get our crew area set up for race day.

Race Package Pickup :-)

I have to say that the race expo was huge improvement compared to the last time I did Javelina and I was extremely impressed with the whole set up and the efficiency of the staff and volunteers. 

I'd got my race stuff ready earlier in the day and was hoping for a relaxing night in front of the TV but I found myself wandering around Walmart at 9.30pm shopping for last minute supplies and my head didn't hit the pillow until close to 11pm - even then, I was tossing and turning until close to midnight and I had to be up at 4am to be ready for the hour-long drive back to the McDowells - 4 hours sleep wasn't really what I had intended!

That 4 hours went very quickly and I awoke feeling rested but also a little groggy. I managed to eat breakfast with no problems although I was feeling a little nervous with butterflies in the tummy which is usually a good sign for me. 

The hour drive to the start was spent discussing race plans with Andy and making sure we knew exactly what was required to ensure everything went smoothly - everything appeared to be under control - all I need needed to do now was run.

This year was a bumper year for the race and with a waved start, I positioned myself in the first wave that started at 6am. There were lots of ladies around me, but I knew that JJ is always a competitive race - I had no chance of winning so I wasn't too concerned about the competition. My main goal today was to have a good solid race, and hopefully run under 19 hours, or as a minimum to run faster than the 21 hours 32 minutes I had ran last time. My 100 mile PR is 16 hours 20 minutes but that was on the flatter, looped course at ATY last year - Javelina is a completely different kettle of fish so I certainly was not looking for a PR!

Race Day Morning and Ready to Go 

From the start of the race, something didn't feel right, and as we approached Coyote Camp Aid Station just 4 miles later, I felt clumsy and couldn't seem to find my flow. It didn't feel like I had started out too hard - the pace was fine and nothing was particularly bothering me, and yet my mind just wouldn't get into the groove. I grabbed some banana and some salty potatoes as quickly as possible before continuing on my way, hoping that my race mojo would join me soon.

As we started the rocky climb out of Coyote Camp, I still wasn't feeling as smooth as normal. What the hell was wrong with me? Runners were passing me but I was still on pace as planned so I was careful not to get drawn into speeding up.

One of the things about this race is that you get to experience a magnificent sunrise, and as the sun rose to the east, the McDowells were shrouded in that beautiful golden glow. I started to pay more attention to the scenery around me and was as every blown away by the beauty of the desert, but the excitement that I usually feel when I know I'm going to be out there for several hours, doing something that I love and enjoy, did not surface. I was going through the motions, I was running well, but something was still definitely missing.

I passed through Jackass Junction at 10.5 miles, took more fuel on-board and pushed on through. I was hoping that the gradual downhill to Rattlesnake Ranch would fire up something inside of me but whilst I was enjoying seeing the familiar scenery around me, I felt flat with little enthusiasm. 

It was only after Rattlesnake Ranch that I finally started to feel something. As we veered off to the left to do the extra section of loop 1, I started to gain on a couple of the ladies without any real effort and I found myself running steadily up the climbs and making good progress whilst the others were walking. It was already getting warm as the sun climbed higher in the sky but there was a nice, gentle breeze that brought some relief.

A couple of miles before I arrived back at Jeadquarters, my right Achilles started to tighten up. I've never had any problems with my Achilles in all my years of running, so I figured I knew what may have triggered it. A few years ago, I had Plantar Faciitis and since then, I have worn gel cups in my shoes to add the extra cushioning to my heels. I'd unfortunately left my heel cups back home in Canada so for the first time in many years, I was running with just my trail shoes and I was noticing how much flatter they felt compared to normal, and the difference this was making on my calf muscles and my Achilles - add to this the rolling hills, to me it was pretty obvious what was causing the tightness.

Whilst it was uncomfortable, it wasn't painful, so I knew that I could continue, and as the race progressed, the discomfort wore off and the Achilles settled down.

As I passed under the Hoka arch at the end of loop 1, I was extremely happy to see that I was 7 minutes ahead of my schedule - I'd hoped for 3.5 hours and my watch showed 3 hours 23 minutes - finally I had something to smile about!

But then the first mishap happened and I'm sad to say that I had real difficulty letting this one go for the remainder of the race which shows just where my mind really was - or wasn't! - on race day.

Andy was crewing me and was waiting at the aid station to refill my bladder. It had been leaking from the mouth piece so it needed to be refilled so whilst Andy headed off to find some water, I topped up on M&Ms, banana and some watermelon and pumpkin pie. I was eating well without any nausea which was reassuring, and I personally felt like I was doing a good job of fueling up in the earlier stages.

I was expecting Andy to be ready to hand back my backpack when I had finished munching, but I couldn't see him anywhere and I started to get frustrated that the time I had gained was now fast disappearing. I asked a lady which way Andy had gone and unbeknown to me at the time, she pointed in complete opposite direction. I headed off to track him down, thinking maybe he had gone back to the crew tent, and I spent near on 5 minutes frantically searching for him and getting more and more frustrated in the process. Fortunately a friend of mine - Tom - spotted me and having calmed me down a little, he directed me back to the aid station where Andy was patiently waiting with my backpack, not realising what had happened, but seeing that I was absolutely fuming! I came out with some completely unjustified harsh words before doing the loop to the timing mat again (I'd already done this whilst looking for Andy but hadn't gone over the mat!) and starting out on lap 2. I was now about 5 minutes behind schedule and I.was.pissed!

The adrenaline was still pumping as I started my second lap, by heart rate and breathing had now become slightly elevated, and in addition, my calves had started to cramp due to the sprinting whilst trying to track down Andy. All the ladies that I had passed just 20 minutes or so earlier were now ahead of me again and I was annoyed that I had to put in all that effort again just to pass them. The cramp in my legs took a while to subside and I had to walk for the next mile or so just to get them to loosen up.

I knew that I would start to slow on loop 2 - the temperature starts to rise and we are already a quarter of the way in to the race - but I hadn't expected the slower pace to feel this difficult. I could still feel the adrenaline pumping and I was still chuntering to myself about the balls-up with the backpack, and before I knew it, the negativity had started to creep in again. I tried to block out the negative thoughts and focus on the climb back up to Jackass but it just was not going away. Physically I was still doing ok, but why couldn't I just focus on the rest of the race instead of dwelling on something that had already happened and I couldn't change?

Heading into Jackass, I spotted Jon from the Traileggers along with Ron and a few other familiar faces. Jon and Ron were fantastic in making sure I had everything I needed - I even got to have a freezing cold sponge shower from Ron which felt absolutely AMAZING despite only being mid-morning, and it perked me up seeing them there. Looking back though, I find it interesting that at 50km into a 100 mile race, I was already asking friends to make sure I didn't DNF. I think I may have cried a bit when explaining to Jon what had happened with the backpack - it seems so trivial now, but at the time it seemed so important - and I think I may have said to not let me DNF more than once. It was far too early to even be considering not finishing when I had barely even started! My fingers had also started to swell somewhat, a sign that I had too much sodium, so I emptied my backpack and refilled it with icy water which tasted soooo good and I gulped it down like there was no tomorrow as I set off on the next stretch.

The 6 and a half miles from Jackass to Coyote Camp are the longest 6 miles ever and I hate that stretch with a vengeance, but I knuckled down and was still running relatively well. I had another ice shower at Coyote and nibbled on a bit more food, but I just wanted to finish this loop and start loop 3. Mentally I needed to start that third loop as I knew that after that, I would have Adam to keep me going and I so desperately needed that right now.

From Coyote back to Javelina is quite sandy as we run along the wash, but I was still running steadily and making good ground. I was walking far earlier than I would have liked, but my walk was quick and I was still managing to stay almost on schedule with my race plan.

I completed lap 2 much slower than I would have like but in my overall time goal, I was only 10 minutes behind. I'd said to both Andy and Adam that I would likely be ahead of schedule on my first two loops so it was disappointing to be behind, but I wasn't about to speed up to make up time as I knew I would pay for it later on. I will be honest and say that after 40 miles, I still wasn't feeling 100% focused on the race, but I was starting to feel more hopeful of a sub 20 hour finish which I would be happy with.

But then, another balls-up! I had asked for water with lots of ice - things were heating up and the water was warm which tastes disgusting. I was starting to get dehydrated so I really needed to drink, and I was also trying to get calories and fluids by drinking coke and eating oranges and watermelon which tasted amazing! When I set off on my third loop, I took a gulp of water and it was warm! I gagged immediately - it was like bathwater and was doing nothing whatsoever to quench my thirst - I couldn't drink it at all.

All the frustration I had managed to finally contain suddenly resurfaced and I started to get annoyed again. Why on earth would I want warm f**king water??!!! Hasn't he got a bloody brain??!! How can I drink this shit??! I started to walk and stomp like a spoilt child instead of just dealing with the situation - again in hindsight, I think I was looking for somebody to blame for my poor mental strength that day! Despite my planning, the race wasn't going as anticipated - the extra 400m I'd ran, the warm water, the missing gel cups, the lack of sleep, blah blah blah, and to top it all, I then started my period mid-race - great! 

I got to Coyote Camp at around 45 miles and that was when I really wanted to give up. I'd had enough and didn't want to deal with any other mishaps. I spent a lot of time at that aid station trying to decide what to do, already weighing up the pros and cons of a DNF. It was so unlike me and I didn't understand why I was thinking this way, but I wanted to quit.  But I had Adam waiting for me, I had Ian and Skye coming out to offer some support, I hadn't seen Andy in weeks and he was here doing his best to support me despite lack of sleep and being overworked himself - how could I let these people down? Then there were all my friends that would be following me, expecting me to do well like I always do, how would they react if I quit? I didn't feel bad about quitting for me, but I did feel bad quitting and letting all those people down. They would think I couldn't cope when the going gets tough - but all my other races have been tough and I've kept on going, crikey some races have been even worse that this, so why couldn't I shift my butt and get this one done? The answer is that I wasn't enjoying the run. I love the Javelina course, I love the McDowells, I love the trails and the trail running community, but today I just did not want to be there. I wanted to be back home, snuggled under a duvet, watching a bit of telly with the dogs. I think I have got so used to my own company that I was finding it hard being surrounded by so many. I've got so used to running on my own that having so many people there made it difficult for me to get into my zone. It didn't feel like I was running my own race, and it felt alien to me.

As I made my way towards Jackass for a third time, I walked up the rocky trail and felt deflated, my mind and thoughts all over the place. I spotted Dennene running down the trail and she was already having a tough race herself, but we gave each other a hug which I think benefited us both.

Even when the trail flattened out, I didn't start to run. I had no motivation to run. I didn't want to run. I walked so slowly and more and more people passed me. The more I walked, the more I thought about, the more I was convinced I was going to DNF. At the next aid station, I would call Andy and Adam and tell them I wasn't going to finish. I hadn't drank for an hour after last seeing Andy and the lack of fluids was now starting to take effect. I was trying to drink  but I couldn't and I desperately needed some water and food inside of me. I started to feel a little dizzy but I really didn't care. My thought process was trying to weigh up what to do. If I stop, then nobody can beat me so I wouldn't have people saying, "oh my gosh, you beat Del!" If I stop, I won't have a result so time wouldn't matter. But if I do stop, I'll be called a quitter. People will say I can't cope when things really do get tough. I then started to think about how my year had gone in terms of racing so far and I couldn't believe how many good races I had already had. I had nothing to prove so why do I need to continue? I was also thinking about Desert Solstice. If I finish today, it'll be in a crap time, and I may not recover enough for DS and then I'll have another shit run there, and I'd be so disappointed. But if I quit now, I have more time for recovery, and although I could STILL have a shit one at DS, chances are I will be more recovered, so quitting makes sense. DS is more important as I want to qualify for the GB team - I'm not really bothered about Western States.

For the next 3 or 4 hours between the two aid stations, I went round in circles thinking things through. I bumped into endless friends and broke down crying, not knowing what to do for the best, and all of them were simply amazing in helping me to make a decision. None wanted me to quit, but none of them would think any worse of me if I did. To all of you, thank you! There were also so many strangers that asked if I was ok and needed anything - of course I said I was fine, but inside I knew I wasn't.

Jackass Junction was such a welcome sight when I finally wandered in there around 4pm. I should have been picking Adam up by now but I was now 10 miles behind schedule and I felt terrible about him waiting for me. I didn't realise it was Tim at the time - I felt a little dazed when I entered the aid station - but I sat on a chair there for the best part of an hour still trying to decide what to do. I told them I wanted to DNF. I was told to think about it. I cried, sobbed even, my mind in turmoil not knowing what to do and being torn between what I felt I should do and what I wanted to do. Tim was fantastic in making sure I ate something - I finally managed a handful of Pringles and a GU waffle. I downed a couple of cups of coke and a can of beer which tasted so good. I started to feel much better as my body started to absorb the liquid and bit of food, but I still felt like I needed to quit. A couple of other runners sat beside me, their races also not going to plan, and we shared our thoughts and anxieties and dilemmas and tears in the hope that we would probably make the decisions for each other, but of course we couldn't.

By 5pm I knew I needed to get moving. The only way back whether I DNF'd or not was to walk or run the 10 miles back to Jeadquarters and it would be going dark in the next hour or so. I hadn't taken a headtorch with me on this lap as I should have been back before dark, but now I had a feeling that I would be running in the pitch black without any light before the night was done.

It was only 5 miles or so from Jackass to Rattlesnake Ranch and being slightly downhill, I did start to run again. It may have only been a shuffle and it was more out of necessity that want. I needed to get a move on - the sun was setting and it was getting difficult to see anything. My biggest concern was missing a trail turn in the dark, but there were also snakes out here and whilst they don't really bother me during the day time or even at night assuming I can see them, running in the pitch black was too risky. Indeed, at one point we heard a rattle in the bush, I couldn't see where the snake was but fortunately somebody came along with a torch and we spotted the baby rattler in the bushes so were able to avoid it.

I picked up some more fluids and a bit of food at Rattlesnake Ranch and by now it really was dark. Leaving the aid station, I was relying on the lights coming towards me to direct me, and when they passed, I walked slowly and cautiously through the brush, listening out for the slightest rustle and hoping I could jump in time if anything decided to take a strike at me. For two miles I did this, trying desperately to see things in the dark, hesitating every time I thought I saw a stick just in case it was something else. I was more cautious of that than the howling coyotes which were clearly nearby - at least I could kind of see them coming in the dark shadows! Eventually a guy caught me and he was power hiking due to a recent knee operation. He offered to walk with me and I was so grateful for his company and the light! We chatted about past races, we chatted about family, we chatted about future plans, and before we knew it, we finally saw the Hoka arch and we had completed 61 miles. Thank god for that!

Once again Andy was waiting at the aid station, this time with Adam, Skye and Ian. I broke down in tears, telling them I couldn't do it. Trying so hard to explain where my mind was at and why I thought I should or shouldn't carry on. We were then joined by Ryan who I had paced last year at Javelina. He too had suffered in last year's race but had gone on to have a good finish - he reminded me of that, and along with the others, they somehow convinced me to go out for another lap. They forced food and drink down me which I managed to get down, and before I knew it, I had changed my shoes and socks and had a headtorch plonked on my head, and Adam and I were heading out on loop 4.

Heading out on loop 4 with 40 miles still to go :-)

Adam really is the best. I don't really know how, but he had me running the whole way from Jeadquarters back to Rattlesnake Aid at a decent pace of around 11 minute miles. My breathing was laboured but my legs were actually feeling pretty good, and having now got fuel and food in me, I was starting to feel the energy kicking in. I believe I even overtook a few people that had passed me earlier, and I was already starting to make some gains. We'd agreed that we would just try to get under 24 hours - we had something like 10 hours to do it and even I was convinced that it was manageable, crikey I even thought having done the maths that at this rate, we could even managed 22 hours - that's what a difference Adam made to my mindset without actually saying anything. For the first time in several hours, I was feeling optimistic - these guys had convinced me that a slower finish didn't matter, I just needed to finish. And even if it took 24 hours, they would still be there for me at the finish. What a team :-)

At Rattlesnake I needed to pee which was a good sign - I wasn't dehydrated! - but as I tried to eat some salty potatoes, the inevitable happened - I puked, and puked bad. I don't know why Adam puts up with pacing me as I'm sick every time, but as ever he was calm and patient and soon got me moving again.

After the puking fest, I felt much better again, but my stomach and ribs felt sore from the retching and it made things uncomfortable. I was still managing to run, but I was slowing again and the closer we got to Jackass, the slower I got, so much so that I finally started to walk again. I still couldn't eat anything when I arrived there, but I did take a cup of coke with me hoping to glean a smidgen of energy from the sugar and caffeine. It helped for a short while and I did try to run some of the sections back towards Coyote Camp, but I really was feeling the fatigue and we ended up walking far more than we were running. I felt so sorry for Adam - usually I'm much stronger than this and as he quite rightly pointed out, he has also seen me much worse, but I was still wondering how the hell I was going to run another 20 mile lap if I felt like this now. I really needed to get some food in me, I really needed to drink, but no matter what I tried, I would just throw it back up and the vomiting was draining my energy and making the discomfort in my ribs and stomach even worse.

I stopped a couple of times along the trail to just bend over and let the tummy muscles relax a bit - all I wanted was to lie down to see if my stomach would settle. I think it was hunger pains more than anything, but my body was refusing to digest anything right now.

Finally we arrived at Coyote Camp. We were about 17 hours into the race with 24 miles or so still to go - I could still do sub 24 but I needed to lie down. I asked Adam if he minded if I lay down for 5 or 10 minutes and of course he didn't - I headed over to the medical tent and grabbed a bed and threw a blanket over myself. The medic came to check on me and took my blood pressure - all was good thankfully - and then I explained about the vomiting. He gave me a choice - I could either carry on and try to get food down me, or I could take a pill now that would stop the sickness pretty much straight away, but I would not be allowed to continue. I wish Adam had been there at that point as I'm sure he would have made me hesitate and reconsider - but I was weak in that moment, I took the pill as I just wanted the sickness to stop, the stomach ache to stop. That was the end of my race and whilst I felt relieved that finally I could sleep, I felt like I had let so many people down.

Afterwards

After taking the magical pill, Adam carried on to Jeadquarters to let the others know I wouldn't be continuing. It hurts typing this now - I don't really care what other people think, but I really do care what Andy, Adam, Skye and Ian think as they were the ones that were there when they really did see me at my lowest on the day, and they were the ones that perked me up and got me back into a positive frame of mind. If I let anybody down, they are the ones and I'm so sorry for that, regardless of what they say.

The pill did work and my stomach felt much better within half an hour of taking it but of course it was too late by then.

Andy and I spent the remainder of the night sleeping in the car and when the sun started to rise on another bright and sunny day in the McDowells, of course I started to think that maybe I SHOULD have tried harder. But then it's easy in hindsight to change things - in reality you do what is right in the moment.

I soon got my appetite back and ate so much on the Sunday that I wish I could have gone back in time with all that food in my belly!

Come Monday, my legs felt ok - a little tired but certainly not achy - so I went for a hike at the Sonoran Preserve close to where I used to live. Being out on the trails on my own and having the time and space to reflect on the race has made me realise that I am actually at peace with the decision I made. As much as running is a team sport when it comes to crews and pacers, it is also an individual sport and we have to do what feels right for US. I've had some awesome races over the years both in the UK, Canada and the USA - I've also had some bad races - but no matter what, I am still here running and racing, and enjoying it, 35 years after my first race as a little 10 year old girl at the town sports day at Finney Gardens in Bucknall. Back then I loved the feeling of running, of feeling like a free spirit, of challenging myself and stepping into the unknown, and I still have that love and passion today. When the running isn't fun, when it becomes a chore and it brings no joy, that's when I'll stop - and that's why I stopped last weekend. For whatever reason, I wasn't having a good time and therefore I didn't want to do it.

Recovery walk and reflecting

Happy trails on the Monday :-)

I mentioned earlier that I have had lots to deal with this past couple of months and maybe I am more emotionally and mentally drained that I realised. I'm so happy being back in Canada but I have been so busy with so many things that perhaps I haven't taken the time to take a step back and have some me time, some down time.

I have one more race remaining for this year and I am still hoping to finish the year on a high, but whether I will or not remains to be seen. The good thing about a 24 hour race is that there is no DNF so I know for sure I will finish.

To everybody that was there for me at Javelina, thank you so much for everything. I know I didn't let you down and I'm sure you realise that I am only human at the end of the day. Like you I can only ever do my best on the day, and only I can judge whether I did that or not. I gave all I had at Javelina and have no regrets and I know for sure that I CAN and WILL run a sub 19 hours on that course one day.

Love to you all, and happy trails :-)

A Mini Trip to Canmore :-)

This year has flown by and I can't believe that we are almost in mid-October already and that Javelina Jundred is just a couple of weeks away. It seems a little crazy that we've already had snow here in Alberta and yet I'll likely be experiencing temperatures in the 80's or 90's when I race in Arizona at the end of this month. Will I be prepared for the heat? I have no idea, but I do know that I am ready to deal with whatever gets thrown at me and will adapt to the conditions as I see fit on the day.

My training for Javelina has gone pretty well and I'm feeling fit and ready to run 100 miles again. Even with the cooler temperatures and snowy weather we've had for the past month or so, I haven't let it deter me from running outdoors nor let my focus waiver, and I've actually had some pretty good sessions in recent days. The variety in weather has made it more interesting for sure, and having completed a 20 mile + run in blizzard conditions one weekend, I did another 20 miler in perfect fall conditions just a week later and I was in my absolute element as I admired the vibrant colours whilst running the local trails.

Snowy run one week ,,,

Snow melted and back to autumn the following week :-)

Of course, living so far north now means that we have exceptionally long days during the summer months but much longer nights in the winter months and I am already noticing the darker evenings when I go out after work to do my run. Running in the dark has never bothered me, but it does make it difficult to keep track of your pace when you can't see what you're doing and I'm finding it hard to hit my target pace based on feel - sometimes I'm too fast, sometimes I'm too slow, but at least I'm getting out there and doing it!

One of the things I'm really happy about is being introduced to the Leduc Runners. This small group of runners is gradually expanding as more people get to hear about it, and I'm so grateful to have met such an amazing bunch of folks that are fast becoming good friends. They are so welcoming, so encouraging and so positive that it really isn't difficult to enjoy their company.

Dark night runs with just a couple of the Leduc Runners :-)

It was due to this group that I ended up being a part of a relay team at the Grizzly Ultra last weekend. Being Thanksgiving weekend, I didn't want to spend a long weekend at home on my own so I had already decided to head to Canmore to watch the race and hopefully catch up with a few old friends. I'd been for our midweek run with the Leduc Runners on the Wednesday evening and it came up in conversation that there could be a leg open for a relay team. I hadn't intended running in the race but I did offer my services if nobody else was available and so it was that I eventually ended up joining Julie, Vanessa, Sarah and Adam on the Yogi Bear and Boo-boos Relay Team.

I drove down to Calgary on the Saturday and stayed there for the night close to Fish Creek. I spent the afternoon pottering around Fish Creek with the pups before heading over to Aubern Bay Dog Park which used to be our local when we lived there a couple of years ago. It was great to see it finally open - when we left, it was going through some improvements and I have to say that our pups loved the changes :-)

Fun at Fish Creek :-)

.. and fun at Auburn  Bay Dog Park :-)

I had a lovely evening snuggling up with the dogs in the hotel but we had to head to bed early as we had an early morning drive to get to Canmore for the race the next day.

By 7am Sunday morning, we were on the road and as we headed west towards the mountains, the sun was rising in the east and casting a beautiful pink glow over the snow that was lying in the fields and on the mountainsides. In my rear view mirror, the colour of the sky was breathtaking as the sun started to peak up on the horizon and I really wish I could have snapped a picture to capture the moment. As I drove along, a herd of deer headed across the farmland, stopping to dig in the snow with their hooves and searching for the grass underneath whilst a fluffy, considerably well fed coyote wandered across the opposite field looking for his next meal. I was feeling so happy and absolutely loving the drive whilst the dogs slept peacefully on the back seat having been woken far too early compared to their normal weekend routine.

As I neared Canmore, the familiar views of Yamnuska and then the Three Sisters came into sight and I started to get that excited feeling of being back in the mountains again.

The Grizzly Ultra takes place on the trails at the Canmore Nordic Centre and since the first race 6 years ago, it has certainly grown in size and popularity. When I first ran the race solo back in  2012, there were around 300 runners - now there are in excess of 1000 which creates a great atmosphere on the day.

Due to record snow fall earlier in the week that saw Canmore receive something like 30cm of snow in one day, there were some changes to the event this year, the main one being that we would no longer be running 5 different legs but rather just 3 - this was done in the interests of runner safety and also to protect the trails from the damage that over 1000 pairs of legs could cause as a result of melting snow and churned up mud. Considering the curve ball that was thrown at the organisers in the couple of days leading up to the race, they did an amazing job in making sure things still went ahead, and despite the changes, everything still ran smoothly and everybody appeared to have so much fun.

Team camp area - change from the norm due to the snow

Keeping warm!

For our part, the Yogi Bear and Boo-Boos team did great, finishing 7th 5-person mixed team out of 87 in 5 hours 16 minutes. Sarah got us off to a great start, and then I followed on leg 2, running the 14km Grey Wolf leg which was nicely undulating with a couple of long, drawn-out climbs.

With leg 1 having already ran the Grey Wolf loop, most of the snow was already trodden down and made for some great running. Some sections were pretty slow going due to the number of runners trying to stay on the compact snow and walking up some of the hills, so the faster runners had to run in the deeper stuff which was at least ankle deep and quite heavy going when trying to get a grip and overtake people. There were a couple of icy sections where I was doing a little dance whilst trying to stay on my feet, but in general, I felt quite strong and really enjoyed the run, The forest trails were gorgeous, and when we reached a clearing in the trees, the views of the snow capped mountains against the beautiful blue skies were outstanding.

LEg 2 - Grey Wolf
PC Ken Anderson Photography

The team hung out together pretty much all of the day, huddling up around the heaters whilst waiting for team mates to finish. Adam, Julie and Vanessa each added to the team's success by having super runs on the shorter but more hilly legs.

Yogi-Bear and Boo-Boos - What a team :-)

The pups also had a fantastic day thanks to Julie's husband Kasey and their son Brady who looked after Wilson and Tillie for a good couple of hours, taking them for walks and keeping them entertained. Brandy came too, but she'd overdone things a little bit the previous day so she was quite content to wait in the car and sleep. Needless to say, after a half hour at the dog park prior to driving home, all 3 dogs were absolutely exhausted after a busy weekend and for once they slept for the remainder of the afternoon and the entire evening, only moving to follow me when I headed off to bed.

Of course, being Thanksgiving we had the Monday off from work and I was home alone. I was meant to have been meeting a friend for coffee but the weather had turned again so we agreed to postpone to a later date. This freed up my day and so I spent some time once again at the dog park before heading out for a 6 mile easy run. I wasn't planning on taking Wilson - he had been so tired last night that I really didn't think he would be interested - but as soon as he saw me putting on my running shoes, he plonked himself down next to me, leaned against me and then started licking my face whilst his tail gently wagged. I knew what he wanted and when I took out his running harness, he went crazy with excitement. It was a wonderful run with my boy - nice and cool, a little snowy, but so much fun. It can be hard sometimes having 3 dogs and making sure they all get the attention they deserve, but I always make sure they each receive that one on one time where I get to bond with them in one way or another, and for Wilson, it's through the sheer joy of heading out for a run with me.

World's Best Running Partner :-)

We missed Andy immensely with it being Thanksgiving, but we still sat down to a turkey dinner together, the dogs joining me at the coffee table to have their little plate of food that even included half a brussel sprout. It made me a little sad that Andy wasn't there to share in the joy and happiness with us, but I was also extremely grateful that I wasn't entirely alone - how could I be with Wilson, Brandy and Tillie showering me with doggy kisses and slobber whilst waiting for their slices of turkey?

Thanksgiving Family Dinner :-)

I was back into the normal routine again on Tuesday and I've since had some more good training sessions this week, including a 5km tempo run this evening where I managed to get close to 6.30 miling again. It has been a very long time since I have been able to run that quick, and whilst I may have been gasping for air due to the pace, the legs did feel good. I know 5km is very different from the 161km that I'll be running in a couple of weeks, but that run tonight made me feel quietly confident that maybe I am on track for a good run on the 27th and that I will achieve my goal.

I'm now on my taper for Javelina Jundred and the mileage has really dropped which is giving me some time back to start preparing mentally for the race. I can't believe it has come around so quickly, but I'm feeling ready and getting excited about heading back to Phoenix :-)