Vacation, Vacation, Vacation :-D

The past couple of weeks have been amazing and I feel like the old me is on the way back. I'm feeling happy, motivated, positive and excited, so much so that I've even started to look at races again as well as finally making progress with odds and sods at home that have been on hold recently.

I guess our recent visit to New Mexico and Colorado has been a huge help in getting me back on track as I returned from our vacation feeling far more relaxed and feeling much better than I was a couple of weeks ago.

3 nights in a log cabin in New Mexico meant that we were able to pay a visit to the Very Large Array - the large observatory used to study the galaxy and beyond as well as being the location for some blockbuster movies including the likes of Contact and Terminator. We found it fascinating reading about the history of the VLA as well as some of the findings made in terms of black holes and stars out in space - it really does make one realise how small and insignificant we really are when you look at what lies beyond our own planet!

Family Trip to the Very Large Array, New Mexico

The following day we hiked up Mount Taylor - an extinct volcano that overlooks Grants where we were staying. At 11,300 ft, it's the highest point in North West New Mexico although it is thought to have originally been in excess of 20,000ft before it erupted and shaped the land in the surrounding area. It is also one of the 4 sacred mountains of the Navajo People and for that reason, it felt pretty special hiking up there. With the trail heading through beautiful pine forests before opening up into lush green meadows with fabulous views of the surrounding lands the higher we climbed, the views were certainly impressive. Although Andy had started the hike with us, the altitude became too much when we reached around 10,000 ft so Wilson and I continued upwards on our own leaving Andy and Brandy in meadows with the local cows for company.

With ma boy!

On our way to Colorado, we paid a brief visit to Alburquerque although nobody seemed to understand our curiosity about hot dogs and jumping frogs! It was a lovely little area - busy, but still holding some of the charm from eras gone by.

Colorado was as ever beautiful and we weren't disappointed. It was our second time here in a year and this time, we would be staying for 5 nights in a cabin in Durango.

During our stay here, I managed to get in some decent runs including a run along the Animas River Trail that follows the river through town, and we also did a run/power hike up Animas Mountain which overlooks the town and surrounding mountains. I headed up the 8000ft Animas Mountain with Wilson and we were once again treated to some amazing views of the valley and beyond. Wilson loved it and seemed to have a permanent smile on his face, although it was exceptionally rocky up there and the poor little lad ended up with sore paws from his overly enthusiastic running! We also paid a visit to Pagosa Springs and spent some time in the hot springs as well as playing in the river with the dogs.

Beautiful Colorado :-)

view from Animas Mountain

Animas Mountain Summit with Wilson - approx 8,000 ft

Of course, my original plan for Colorado was to do a 50km race but due to not being well for a couple of weeks, I didn't want to do it. However, I was aware of another race in Silverton and so late on Wednesday evening, I registered to do the Silverton Alpine Marathon. This race was organised by Aravaipa Running and although it sounds silly, it brought some comfort and relief when I saw several familiar names on the entry list. The plan was to use this race as my "come back" race with the intention being to get some confidence back with my running and to prove to myself that I can still run longer distances.

No sooner had I entered the race that the doubts started again. What if I couldn't do it? What if ended up dropping out and people started to gossip about me? What if, what if, what if?! The worst part was that because of past performances in ultra running, Ultrasignup had me ranked as top lady which was frightening in itself. I knew that I wasn't running at my best at the moment, and I felt the pressure of being labelled number 1!

Thankfully Andy was able to talk some sense in to me. He made me realise that I was doing this race for ME. The result didn't matter, nobody was fully aware of how I had been this past couple of months, so did it really matter if people judged me on a race performance. Who are these "people" anyway? They won't be friends because friends don't do that kind of thing. And so I found myself in Silverton  all set to go.

We actually headed over on the Friday to collect my race bib and it was a beautiful drive over the mountain passes from Durango. Silverton itself is a beautiful little town, nestled in the San Juan Mountains with some amazing views from the valley. It has a certain quaintness to it and an old cowboy town feel that I absolutely loved. It is of course also the starting point of the tough and renowned Hardrock 100 mile race - something that maybe one day I will be lucky enough to run, and is certainly one on my bucket list. On arrival at Memorial Park, it was great to see all the Aravaipa race set up, and of course the Aravaipa team was doing an amazing job as ever, and it was fantastic to see those folks :-)

Race day came, and it wasn't my typical preparation for a race. I had no plan whatsoever, no pace or time in mind, no gels or fuel, I hadn't considered my nutrition at all and under normal circumstances, I would have felt completely unprepared to be running a marathon in the mountains. The only plan I had was to run with a handheld bottle to make sure I had access to fluids and other than that, to use the aid stations for food and refills which were located every 4 or 5 miles.

It was lovely and cool at the start - only 37 degrees Fahrenheit and it felt great! I'd gotten so used to the heat that it was amazing to feel chilly and to have goose bumps. I had turned up in just vest and shorts, whilst a few of the others were wrapped up in jackets, hats and gloves. I'm a minimalist when it comes to my running and knew that things would warm up later. So long as it didn't snow, I really didn't mind what the weather threw at me.

Standing on the start line, I did start to feel some anxiety creeping over me. I was shaking a little and pretty sure that I looked like all the blood had drained from me, I hadn't ran more than 20km in about 6 weeks and here I was, about to embark upon a 43km run at altitudes between 9 and 13,000 ft. What was I thinking? What if I couldn't do it? But as the race started and we all started moving forward, it was too late to back out now - besides, I HAD to do this race to prove that I still CAN run!

Pre-Race - Memorial Park in Silverton

I started off far more cautiously than I would normally in a race, but I was scared about how I would cope later on. I wanted to finish and didn't want to burn out before I'd even started, and yet surprisingly, I found myself leading the ladies race. In a way this started to help me to relax, but then it also made me think that despite my slow start, maybe I was still going off too fast! My lead didn't last long though at around around 5k, I was overtaken by a fantastic lady runner from Flagstaff. Under normal circumstances I would have tried to stay with her but my doubts over my ability made me hold back which was strange considering the successes I've had at racing over the years.

The route was beautiful with 10,000 ft + mountains surrounding us in all directions. Although we hadn't started the real climb that would take us to just under 13,000 ft, the jeep road that we were following was a gradual climb but I was doing ok and making relatively good progress. Around about 10k I suddenly started to get a little emotional and I could feel some of that panic setting in again as I started to think how I would cope when we reached the higher altitudes later in the race. I nearly stopped and turned around to go back to Silverton, but at that moment somebody shouted my name, and up ahead I spotted Meghan and Jon from the AZ Traileggers :-) How glad was I to see them both at that moment in time?! I immediately felt my spirits rise and as I ran ahead I had a huge hug from them both which gave me a huge boost and from there onwards, my confidence just seemed to grown.

The Silverton Alpine Marathon takes you through some old mining towns along the way and it was a nice distraction to see the old dilapidated buildings and be aware of the history of the area. Whilst the first few miles of the course are relatively flat, the climbing started shortly after the 10km mark and I was starting to run/hike up the steeper sections. I was passed by another lady and for a short time, we were continually passing each other until my legs really had gone to lead and I was finding it difficult to find the strength to run. 

The real climb started at around 10 miles when we started the ascent of California Pass which topped out at 12,940 ft at around the 16 mile mark. I was sure to take on board some food and fluids at final aid station before that climb as I knew this next section would be tough not only due to the grade of the track we were following, but also due to the altitude which was by now already mildly affecting me.

I was still holding on to 3rd place as I started that climb and I was feeling happy and felt like I was back where I belonged. Things were heating up by now and as we climbed even higher and the track snaked out up the mountainside ahead with no apparent end, I could feel my head starting to throb. I was aware that drinking water helped to curb the effects of altitude, but I was already drinking as much as I dared given that I was only carrying a handheld.

Amazing Mountain Views on Course - Photo Credit: Aravaipa Running

A couple of gents passed me on the way up and one of them was really pleasant and suggested we worked together to conquer this climb! We did work together, for a short while anyway, before I slowed even further and he pulled away  in to the distance. I took a look back a few times to admire the stunning vistas that we were leaving behind, and I thought I spotted another lady not too far back. It didn't really matter if she passed me, but by now I so desperately wanted to hold onto my 3rd place that I tried to push harder. This led to my head thumping even more and a wave of dizziness coming over me. I resorted back to my hiking and just tried to concentrate on moving forward.I could see the aid station at the top of the pass, but it still seemed a good mile or more away. If the lady passed me, I would just try to keep her in my sights and hopefully my downhill running would be stronger and I would pass her again.

Amazing Race Views :-) ( Picture Credit:Aravaipa Running)

As I summited California Pass, it felt AMAZING to be up there! With a full 360 degree view of majestic mountains in all directions I was feeling extremely happy - tired in the old legs, but very happy that I had now chosen to do this race, and I now knew that I would finish it with no problems :-)

Photo Credit: Aravaipa Running

I did slip back to 4th place shortly after the summit, and another lady was closing in behind, but as we made another climb, this time to Hurricane Pass, the most fabulous, steep, rocky downhill lay before us and I grinned like a Cheshire Cat. THIS is what I was waiting for - this I knew would help me to hold onto that 3rd place a little longer - let's do this!

The next few miles running downhill were fantastic and I found myself whooping like a child. I opened up a considerable gap on the other ladies whilst I also caught a few of the guys that had overtaken me on the climbs. I smiled and waved to the quad bikes and the Jeeps that were driving up and down the dirt road, and although I was hurting and feeling pretty tired, I was having so much fun. In all honesty, I was kind of hoping that maybe  I could see the other 2 ladies ahead of me at some point, but I never spotted them although it turned out that they were only 10 or 15 minutes ahead of me by the time I had finished - yes, that's a good margin, but I honestly thought that I would be much further behind when I saw how much of a gain they made over me on the uphill sections.

Heading back down to Silverton Photo Credit: Aravaipa Running

The last few miles were on rolling gravel road and I could sense that I was getting closer to the finish. I was by now running and walking - I really could tell I'd not done those long runs of late! - but when I was running, I was running strong. Finally I made the final turn and could see the finish line ahead and as I crossed the line in 3rd place, despite feeling exhausted, despite feeling fat and extremely unfit, I was soooooo happy to have made that podium.

happy to finish, and 3rd lady :-) Photo Credit - Brian Slavin

The race route was simply wonderful and I'm running out of words to use to describe how beautiful the course was. I'm so thankful to Aravaipa Running for organising these events and I'm so glad that I chose to do the Silverton race. It wasn't my best performance by a long shot but I can safely say that the race made me happy and I feel like I'm ready to get back out and race again soon. I've ran pretty much every day since last Saturday and this week will be my highest mileage week in a long time. I'm feeling good, so much so that I am extremely keen to run a 50k night race here in Phoenix in a couple of weeks, that how much the race in Silverton has helped me. I also have the Rim to Rim to Rim attempt to look forward to in late September, and how I'm feeling at the moment, it looks like Javlina Jundred may, just may, be on the cards after all - it won't be pretty, but I want to give it a go simply because I can.

Top 3 ladies at Silverton Alpine Marathon :-)

Heading back home the following day, we ended up visiting another of Arizona's stunning landmarks - Monument Valley. I remember watching the occasional cowboy film as a youngster and seeing Monument Valley in the frame. It felt a bit surreal being there in person and the pictures we took looked almost cartoon like with us just painted in afterwards. It really was a great place to visit and I can't wait to explore even more of Arizona over the coming months.

Monument Valley :-)

Monument Valley and even our little moggy enjoyed it :-)

Monument Valley :-)

So what happens now? Well, the good news is that I am still smiling a week later, and I am still happy. I'm feeling good right now and ready to start building up my training again. It's still hot here in Phoenix although we are closer to 100 degrees now rather than the 110+ and that really does make a difference. This week I will have done my highest mileage week and I have to say it feels good. I'm not as fast at the moment and I do feel a little pudgy when I think back to my normal racing weight, but I want to run, I want to race and I feel excited and optimistic about it. OK, my next race may be tougher mentally and physically compared to what I've been used to, but for me it will be a victory being able to complete the race and overcoming my recent doubts, and for that I will be grateful :-)

Back to Normality Again :-)

This year has absolutely flown by and I can't believe that it's August already. It's been an awesome year so far though - I've met loads of new friends here in Phoenix, I've had several successful races and some amazing training runs, and we've had tons of fun doing agility with both Wilson and Brandy, whilst this past couple of months we've introduced Wilson to dock diving which he seems to have thoroughly enjoyed.

The race at Bryce Canyon seems such a long time ago now and despite a DNF, I recovered pretty well and was back in to the flow of things within the week, With no other races planned until the Javelina Jundred at the end of October, I felt like I still wanted to make use of my fitness and get a decent race in between now and then. There are so many races to choose from and after much deliberation I opted for the Devil Mountain Ultra in Pagosa Springs, Corlorado on August 20th. This gave me ample time to recover and plenty of time to build up my mileage in preparation for what I hoped would be another great race.

I was excited to be going back to Colorado - last year I had done the TransRockies Run - 120 miles at high elevation in the mountains, and I couldn't wait to go back. I was excited about the training and was more than ready to put in that extra effort to get me in to tip top shape.

This is my first summer in Arizona and whilst I had been warned about the endless, unrelenting heat during the summer months in the lower desert, I wasn't quite prepared for the impact it would really have on my running. During June and July, we had temperatures well over 100 degrees every single day, and at one point, we had a streak of 110+ for 26 days in a row. I was craving rain, I was craving lower temperatures, but the annual monsoon was being a little shy this year and certainly in our neighbourhood, the storms I had been looking forward to have been non-existent and we've had continuous hot, glorious sunshine and clear blue skies for goodness knows how long.

I've never been a sun worshipper and much prefer the cooler climes of places like the UK and Canada, but in Phoenix there is no escape from the sun. Whilst such extreme temperatures are OK when you can lounge about and relax all day long, living with them constantly can be a drain. The heat forces you to stay indoors and all outdoor activities become limited. Our dogs still need to be walked, but walking them during the day is a no no as the pavements get so hot it burns their paws, and even the rocky and sandy trails can be too hot for them. Indeed, the City of Phoenix recently passed a law to say dogs are banned on trails when temperatures reach 100 degrees or more, so even some gentle hiking is out of the question. If you do go out, it has to be very, very early morning or in the evening after the sun has gone down, but even then, temperatures are barely below the 100 degree mark and it;s like constantly sitting in an oven. Everything you touch is hot, and even when drinking tap water to keep yourself hydrated, it comes out warm as the ground gets gets so hot.

Not surprisingly, my running started to go backwards. I was still following a programme but I was falling short of my target pace. Even a 10k run meant carrying a litre of water with me, and speed sessions or tempo runs have been tough with having to carry a backpack. My pace was getting slower but my heart rate was still the same which highlighted how much the heat was affecting my runs. I resorted to running some of my sessions on the treadmill - 14 miles one weekend stuck indoors whilst the sun is shining brightly outside! - and I even purchased an iFIT module to make things more interesting whilst pounding out the miles on a machine.

I have had some comment that living here in Phoenix is just the reverse of living in Canada - instead of staying indoors during the winter months, we do it in the summer, but I rarely stayed indoors when living in Calgary and the cold rarely bothered me - that's what layers are for, and you don't need to carry gallons of water with you. I was finding things tough and I was getting extremely frustrated about things.

The good news is that I have managed to get some decent runs in since Bryce Canyon on the trails around Phoenix, and I also headed up to Prescott for a week run to escape the heat. A couple of weeks ago, a group of us also headed over to Mt Ord and had a wonderful 25km to the summit and back - that day was hot, but we had the shade of the trees and were surrounded by greenery and the mountains. I've also sneaked in some runs with the AZ Traileggers - a great group of folks that have welcomed me with open arms - and we've had lots of fabulous runs on the trails in the north of the city.

the Mount Ord Gang ;-)

The trail up and down Mt Ord, and the amazing views :-)

This past couple of weeks however, I haven't been feeling myself and for some reason, I suffered my first ever panic attack. I have no idea what triggered it - the feeling of being out of control wasn't nice and with Andy being away for most of the week and me not knowing what was wrong with me, it has been somewhat scary. I've been fearful of running in case something happened and I was out on my own, and I felt like I didn't have anybody to turn to that could help get me back on track.

Yet here I am a fortnight later feeling much better, and I have so many people to thank for helping me through a pretty unsettling time. I won't embarrass them by naming them here, but if you are reading this, you know who you are and I really can't thank you all enough. One thing I have struggled with in the past is asking for help, and yet I have learnt that there really are some genuinely amazing people out there that are interested in your welfare and are more than willing to listen to you, to support you, offer advice and help where they can - not because they want to judge you, or laugh at you, or gossip and spread rumour, they don't do it for personal gain or to make themselves look and feel good. They do it because they want to and because they really do genuinely care. These people have seen me at my worst this past couple of weeks and they've helped me through it, guiding me through the US health system and encouraging me to see a professional.

AZ Traileggers - a great bunch of folks, and some AMAZING friends :-)
Photo Credit Jon Christley

I'm now back running again but I have decided to take a break from the structured training, and to just have some fun with my running for a while without worrying about what pace I should be doing and how far I should be going, and it's such a relief. It doesn't matter how hot it is outside, or how humid or how windy - I'm running how I feel, and I'm loving it again.

Last Friday I forced myself out for a run, and it felt good to be back out on the trails. I felt happy again, I felt like I was back in control, and I felt like I was getting back to my normal self. I headed to the Sonoran Preserve, and it was great to hear the sounds of the desert and to watch the sun go down, and I was grinning like a Cheshire Cat. A couple of days later, I joined the AZ Traileggers at Deem Hills and had a wonderful time running, chatting, laughing and eating extremely tasty homemade fruit muffins with some amazing people that made me feel so good afterwards.

The Sonoran Desert Preserve and happy to be back :-)

Deem Hills with the Traileggers :-)
Photo Credit: Jon christley

I'd already decided that I will not be racing the Devil Mountain Ultra in a couple of weeks as I really didn't want the pressure of racing again at the moment. However, I am still a member of the Aravaipa Running Racing  Team and I feel like I've missed them recently. There is a race in Silverton, Colorado on the same day as Devil Mountain - the Silverton Alpine Marathon and Ultra, and I have every intention of heading out to Silverton to offer some support to all those people that have supported me recently by helping out at an aid station or something. But I am also now considering running the marathon as I feel like I need to do a long run to give me some confidence back but without actually racing - i haven't yet decided and just want to keep my options open, but either way I'll either run the marathon or volunteer and see the race from the other side.

For now though, I'm just looking forward to our vacation to New Mexico and Colorado, and having some quality time in the mountains with the family. I'm looking forward to doing some trail runs with Wilson and Brandy, some hikes in the mountains, swimming in the lakes and rivers, and just generally relaxing and enjoying some cooler temperatures so that I can my mind, body and soul back to where it used to be.  The fall isn't too far away either which means lower temperatures in Phoenix and I can honestly say that I'm looking forward to the winter when even my running can get back to normal.