Love Hurts .....

After last weekend's result at the Desert Solstice 24 Hour, I was expecting my next post to be positive, upbeat and feeling ready to tackle anything. Even yesterday's Turkeys on the Trail was tons of fun, and I was beaming with joy as I ran along with Wilson and Tillie on the short 5km fun run, whilst Andy sat waiting for us with Brandy who was still recovering from surgery.

But if running for 24 hours has taught me anything, it has taught me that a lot can happen in such a short space of time. My joy and happiness at having our little family back together again and getting into the Christmas spirit was snatched away this morning, when I came down the stairs to be told that "she's gone". The shock, denial, heartbreak, confusion, and the immediate grief and sense of loss I felt in that few seconds hasn't yet subsided and I'm still tearing up and finding it very hard to come to terms with.

Let's backtrack a little.

Last weekend was awesome. Dennene and I had a fantastic time in Phoenix and whilst I didn't hit my goal of 215km, I still ran just over 200km or close to  125 miles. For the most part, my pacing was spot on and I felt strong and consistent for quite a while. But once again my nutrition let me down and I found myself throwing up on the grass, in garbage cans and in the toilets on something like 5 occasions. I'd gone through 80 miles in around 13 hours and with 11 hours remaining to do "just" 55 miles to hit my goal, it seemed like I had it in the bag. But like I said, a lot can happen in 24 hours and I fell short of my goal but was still very happy with the result, especially given that I'd finished 3rd lady in one of the most elitist races in the USA. Of course, my performance pails into insignificance when  compared to those that set records on the day, but that's not to say that I - and those other non-record breaking runners - didn't give it OUR all that day too and we had to dig deep towards the end.

Final hours at DS 24 

Arriving back home in Leduc, I was feeling really happy that I'd ended my racing year on a high and I was looking forward to finally spending some time with Andy and the 3 pups. Andy hadn't been home for nearly 3 months and it was great to have our small family together at last. We started to plan for Christmas, finally putting the tree up along with some decorations outside. Our evening walks at the dog park were lots of fun, and we laughed lots as we watched the three pups playing in the snow together. 

Andy home and the dogs are loving playing at the dog park :-)

During this time at the dog park, we noticed that Brandy seemed to be getting a little more tired than usual and after the first 20 minutes of running around and playing, she would start stopping and sitting down as if resting her legs. With her having had surgery on her knee just 3 months ago and being well aware that it can take up to 6 months before she would get full strength back in her leg, we didn't think anything of it, and just waited patiently until she was ready to move again. She was still happy in herself and was eating and drinking well, although we had noticed that she had started to eat a lot of snow/ She also seemed to have got bored of her usual dog food for dinner so we had to mix things up a bit before she finally started eating properly again.

On Saturday, I had registered for the Turkeys on the Trail 5km Fun Run. This was such an awesome event where the entry fee was a frozen turkey for the local food bank or a monetary donation which would go to the same cause. Having ran Desert Solstice the previous weekend, I didn't want to get back into things too quickly and figured that the 5km would be just right. In addition, dogs were allowed to take part so I had agreed with Andy that I would run with Tillie and Wilson whilst he waited with Brandy for the half hour or so that we would be running.

Turkeys on the Trail with the three pups on Saturday :-)

The run was awesome and I was so so happy to be running along with both dogs. Their tails were high in the air, Wilson was literally smiling whilst Tillie just ran alongside him wondering what it was all about. The excitement of running with two dogs put aside any aches or pains from the previous weekend of racing and I have to say that the legs felt pretty good. The only issue was the icy pathway - even with spikes on the shoes I nearly slipped over a couple of times as Wilson got into his usual whippet sprint mode whilst both Tillie and I frantically tried to keep up!

On completion of the run, I headed back to the car to find Andy and Brandy and was shocked to see Brandy sprawled out on the floor. She had fallen out of the car and despite Andy trying to help her up, she just didn't seem to have the strength to pick herself up. I should mention that Andy has injured his arm right now and has been in some discomfort and pain for a while, and he was finding it difficult to help Brandy to stand up.

But something wasn't right with Brandy. Even when I managed to help her up, she couldn't seem to stand on all fours and she fell down again. It was extremely worrying and as soon as we managed to get her in the car again, I called the vets for an appointment and had her booked in for first thing Monday morning.

We headed back home and once again, Brandy was having trouble trying to get out of the car and she didn't seem to have the strength to get into the house. We managed to get her inside and she just flopped down on the rug and went to sleep. It was pretty obvious that something wasn't right, but she was showing no signs of any other problems - no vomiting, she was still eating healthily, her poop was still good poop, and in herself, she was still bright and alert. But as we watched her, we could see that whenever she was trying to get up, it was as if her body wasn't responding.

After we had fed her, she slept for the rest of the evening and come midnight, we knew that she needed to go outside. We tried to encourage her, but she just wasn't having it and when we tried to get her to stand up, once again she had problems stabilising her legs and flopped back down. Not wanting to cause her any more distress, we left her be and instead, I gave her a full body massage as she lay down on the rug and she even rolled onto her side to let me tickle and kiss her belly. She looked so happy and relaxed and certainly not in any pain or discomfort that would give us  any major cause for concern. We knew she would be going to the vets on Monday morning - if we could just make her comfortable until then, she'd be ok. I gave her a big cuddle, put a blanket over her and a pillow under her head, and then put a soft toy next to her which she snuggled up to. I then gave her a kiss and told her I'd see her in the morning.

At 8am Sunday morning, Andy and I found Brandy in that exact same position and I heard those words, "she's gone". Brandy had passed away peacefully in her sleep and even now we have no idea what or why this happened. We've spent the whole day pondering, wondering, feeling guilty, feeling angry, confused, bewildered and shaking our heads in disbelief. Why? 

Brandy was only just 6 years old and other than her recent knee surgery, she had always been a healthy dog that caused us no concerns. We don't believe that any of this is as a result of surgery but we think that something more sinister was going on inside. Brandy never showed any signs of discomfort or pain, she was always a fighter, and we will never know truly what happened to her. All we know is that she has left a huge void in our lives that is going to take some getting used to. That girl was amazing and I just hope she realised how much we loved her, and no matter what, we would have spent thousands of dollars on her if it had meant we could have had her in lives to live the full life she was meant to have.

I'm not a religious person but it comforts me thinking that maybe Brandy was needed in another life, by somebody that needed a loyal, trustworthy companion that would love them unconditionally, just as she did us. We had 6 wonderful years with this beautiful girl and made so many happy, loving memories together that we will treasure forever. There will never be another dog that could replace Brandy, and we certainly wouldn't want them to.

I feel blessed that we still have Wilson and Tillie, two other amazing pups that of course also mean the world to us. They've sensed that things are different today and they have been somewhat more attentive and clingy. Now is the time to hold them close so we can all help eachother to overcome the hurt and pain that we are currently feeling. It hurts that this has happened so close to Christmas, that it has happened in such a short space of time since Andy finally got to join us at home, and he's had so little time to spend with Brandy who was always a daddy's girl. But in that short time, Brandy gave and received so much love and attention, and she still made us laugh and smile in her final days with her mischievous play and stubborn personality.

I really don't know how to end this except to say that we have received so many messages from friends today that we know for sure that the love for Brandy didn't just stop at these four walls - it spread much, much further afield and both Andy and I want to thank you all for the messages. Grief is such a strange thing and people handle it in many different ways. For me personally, your words of comfort have been greatly appreciated and they are already starting to help me through the process and come to terms with the loss of Brandy. She will never ever be forgotten, and I'm thankful that she left this world peacefully in the comfort of her own home where she was loved and cherished - Brandy was an intelligent girl and I'm sure she knew how much she meant to us.

Brandy Brampster just last week - looking happy and relaxed at the dog park.
RIP Princess - we already miss you xxxx