Lakou Backyard Ultra didn't go quite as planned, and there would have been a time when I would have cringed at my result, embarrassed that I hadn't performed as well as expected, and wanting to crawl under a rock to hide away from the scrutiny and judgement of friends and family who expected far more from me. These days, whilst there are occasions when I feel disappointed with how race day pans out, I don't feel any shame nor embarrassment with my results.
When I was deciding on my race plans for 2024, Lakou was one of my target races. I had no interest in trying to make the Canadian backyard team this year - I know I can't hit 42 yards even on one of my best days to put me on the at-large list - but I did hope to exceed 30 hours. I'd had a couple of months off to give my mind and body a bit of a break from training earlier in the year, and during that time, I had made an attempt at an FKT on the Staffordshire Way. Although it was a great experience, the weather was against me, and I ended up not completing the entire route, opting to stop about 10 miles from the finish when the mud and floods got much, much worse. That was extremely disappointing as I know I could have completed it in less that 24 hours in much better conditions, but I put it behind me and turned my focus to Lakou - the next event on my race calendar this year.
My training leading up to Lakou had gone pretty well. I started to follow a structured plan again in March and I was getting in some trail running at the weekends as well as weekly hill sessions and strength work. As the event drew nearer, I started to do more backyard specific training, which included up to four local backyard loops every hour on the hour on a weekend. To ensure my body was conditioned to run at different times of the day, I varied my start times and even included some late night runs where possible, to prepare me running in the middle of the night.
A couple of weeks before the race, I started to encounter a bit of an ache in my lower back and left hip. I put it down to lack of strength on my left side and the fact that I was now working muscles that perhaps had been in retirement for a considerable time, but when running one Saturday afternoon, I noticed what felt like a spasm in my lower back. The pain and tightness hadn't been bothering whilst running up until that point, but when things tightened up quite considerably the next day and I was struggling to even put my socks and shoes on, I knew I needed to get things looked at. A friend at work suggested a chiropractor, and so I ended up booking an appointment to see if a bit of cracking and groaning in these old bones might help to release things.
I had two sessions with the chiropractor and whilst they did help to some degree, it was the deep tissue massage with coach Paul that helped the most. I booked to see Paul just a couple of days before Lakou, and he spent a good half hour or more just working those muscles, so much so that they were quivering as the tension was released. It hurt like crazy having those elbows dug into my back, hip and glutes, but my goodness, did I notice a huge different the next day! I was finally able to move around more easily without any discomfort, and whilst things weren't 100% fixed, they were definitely 90% better than they had been, and it gave me a little more confidence heading into Lakou a couple of days later.
I didn't really have a goal this time around. I find setting a goal gives an excuse to stop when you reach it, and it can be easy to stop pushing even if you've not yet reached your full potential. I had gone into the event with the mindset of setting no limits that weekend, and that reminded me of the 2 Unlimited song "No Limits" from the 1980s - this became my mantra for the race. I did get a little frustrated when I was asked quite a few times what my goal was, and those old memories of pressure and expectation of others from years ago came flooding back, but I tried to put those thoughts out of my mind, and just kept replying "no limits" when asked.
We had set our race gear up on the Friday, so we had a leisurely drive over to race HQ the following morning without any need to get up ridiculously early. With over 70 people registered for the event, I was half expecting the crew area to be extremely crowded with everybody on top of each other, but thankfully - unlike another race I did where the camping was so crowded, there were people literally pitching their tents by your front door! - the racers at Lakou were far more considerate, and there was plenty of space for everybody. It really helped having a bunch of friends just across the way, and we were greeted with chatter, laughter and positive vibes from them and everybody else for the whole time we were there.
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| Friday afternoon and all set to go :) |
One of things I struggle with these days is being around lots of people - I don't do too well in crowded situations and I sometimes start to feel anxious when there are too many people around me. As we were called into the corral for the start of the first lap, the 60 or 70 people standing there made me a little uncomfortable. One of the reasons I like my trail running is because of the solitude it brings - yes, I always worry about a wildlife encounter if I'm on my own and I will seek out company if things feel too remote - but in general, I like to have my own space. With 70 or so runners at Lakou, I knew that the next few hours were going to be extremely busy, and due to the nature of the event, I would find very little alone time. That was ok - I'm not THAT antisocial - but I do like to just get into the zone and do my thing without having the distraction of chatter or other people trailing behind me in what looked like a rendition of the conga! But the atmosphere on the start line of buzzing, and as the music pumped us up and the countdown began for the first ring of the bell that weekend, I think we were all pretty excited about getting things going.
The Lakou Backyard Ultra is without a doubt one of the best I have done in terms of organisation, venue and the plethora of food available for runners. It has a great community vibe, and it truly is an event for everybody, both experienced runners and beginners alike. The course however is not the easiest I've done, although it is tons of fun and it takes you around the race organiser's own back yard. It is quite a twisty turny course, has lots of woodland trails some of which are quite technical with those hidden tree roots and stumps discreetly peeking out to trip you up, there are fields of tufty grass and what look like mole hills that make the ground uneven, and then there are some sections of wider trails where you can slip past people if you find yourself in a bit of a crowd. The half way point is marked by a bendy tree, and the second half of the course is a little more undulating with one little hill that can start to feel like a mountain after a few laps. The course is extremely well marked, although after a few loops, you get so familiar with things that it is virtually impossible to get lost. At the end of each loop, you come back through the gate and are greeted with the cheers of all the spectators, and that truly does make you want to just go out to do another lap.
After the first couple of laps, I was settling into a good rhythm, consistently completing each of my laps in around about 48 to 49 minutes, giving me a good 10 minutes or so to refuel, change my kit if I needed to, and to use the washroom. The weather forecast had called for cool temperatures and light rain later on, but the sun was shining pretty much the entire day on the Saturday, and I was finding it quite warm and muggy, despite the brisk wind that was blowing. I was doing well in terms of staying hydrated and making sure I was eating, and my hip/back wasn't giving me any grief whatsoever. I was feeling in a good place - strong both mentally and physically, and not in any particular rush to do any faster laps - that 10 minute break I was giving myself was perfect to keep things going smoothly. Andy was doing a great job of making sure I had everything I needed, and he was sure to grab the perogies and meatballs I needed when it came to lunch time and supper time, and my stomach started it's usual growling as it demanded solid foods.
By 6pm, there were still a few too many people out on the course for my liking even though a some had started to drop, so I just kept telling myself to hang in there until the 50 mile mark - or around 12 hours - as that's when traditionally a lot of people will end their race having reached a significant milestone. It would also be going dark by then, and with any luck, I was hoping that the rain would start - I love running through the night hours, and even more so when accompanied by rain showers, so I was looking forward to the added challenge as the sun started to go down.
It was also around about the 8 or 9 hour mark that my tummy started to get quite bloated, and with no signs of needing the toilet any time soon, it was fast becoming uncomfortable. I picked up the pace a little as this usually helps to move things along more quickly, and the next thing I know, I'm having to dive in a bush for fear of being caught short. This happened on and off for the next couple of hours, and I just couldn't find a way of getting my gurgling stomach to settle down. I was still eating and drinking as best I could but the stomach ache was now making things a little more tricky.
A few more botty explosions occurred, and then as I ended my 12 lap and went into the tent, I felt a wave of nausea sweep over me. Andy offered me different foods but I just didn't have the appetite for any of it, and the next thing I know, I am throwing up in the tent. I had about 4 minutes until the start of lap 13, but given how many times I had been sick in just a short space of time, I was doubtful as to whether I should carry on. I knew that the diarrhoea and vomiting would cause me to dehydrate more quickly, but when Andy suggested I go again and turn back if things got worse, I headed out of tent, taking a protein shake with me in the hope of getting some fluids and calories in me at the same time.
Dusk had arrived on lap 13 but I hadn't taken my headlamp. It wasn't too dark just yet, but I was power walking for the first mile or so whilst trying to take onboard some fuel, and I found myself at the back of the group. I didn't mind being at the back - I had the space I usually crave, and so long as I arrived back within the hour, those ahead of me would still start the next lap on the same footing. I'd been hitting half way point crooked tree in 23 to 24 minutes all day - this lap, I hit it on 26 minutes, so I knew that my rest time would be much shorter between laps 13 and 14. So long as I was organised, I was ok with that. I certainly had no intentions of stopping any time soon, and was adamant to just take things one lap at a time until I had worked through this bad patch. Mentally I was definitely still in the game!
I kept checking my watch every so often, and as time ticked by, I started to jog a little bit. I was feeling a little lightheaded due to the lack of calories, but otherwise all was feeling good, so I started to plan what I would need for my next lap.
Running into the corral, the clock this time was around 53 minutes - still plenty of time to get sorted. Andy was going to take me into the food tent where I would have a greater choice of food, but I knew I needed to be decisive about my needs and having too many food choices would have me umming and ahring about what I wanted. I headed back to the tent, Andy following, changed in to some warmer clothes despite still feeling clammy and warm and sweaty, then grabbed my head torch, a mars bar, half a banana and a bottle of water, just as the one minute whistle sounded. I was ready to head out again.
Lap 14 started the same as the previous - me walking as fast as I could whilst trying to eat and drink, and everybody else moving ahead of me into the darkness. I was still doing ok and could already feel the energy levels returning with each bite of food and mouthful of fluid, and I was feeling optimistic about working through this and hitting the 24 hour mark. But then 5 minutes later, my bowels once again decided they wanted a bit of action, and I dived into yet another bush in utter panic! A good couple of botty explosions ensued which made me feel much better, but I was now getting a little weary of feeling great only to have this happen again.
I started to walk/jog once again, hitting the bent tree in around 28 minutes this time but still intent on completing this lap, and getting in and out of the transition as quickly as possible so I could crack on with lap 15.
One of the things I hadn't been doing all day was taking in my surroundings, and now that darkness had fallen and there were fewer people around, I became far more aware of the sounds of the night, and just how peaceful it was. The beam of my head torch lit the way for me, the blades of grass looking a little fuzzy as I ran along. Those troublesome tree roots and stumps kept jumping out at me unexpectedly, one of them catching me and throwing me to the ground. I was suddenly startled by a shadow that appeared at the side of me that dragged me away from my thoughts, but on peering behind there was nobody there. I looked up and noticed for the first time just how clear the night sky was, and I realised it was the brightness of the moon that was casting my own shadow beside me. I laughed to myself, and started to hum "me and my shadow" for the next mile or so.
But whilst my mind was still telling me that I had it in me to keep pushing despite all the GI issues, the common sense side of me was telling me that this would need to be my last lap. I have other races this year, and I wasn't sure it would bring any benefit if I just kept on pushing. There were also a couple of things playing on my mind - the look on Andy's face when he had seen me being sick just a couple of hours earlier, and then his comment about it being "disappointing" if I didn't manage to eat the banana and Mars bar on this particular lap. I took a look at the half eaten mars bar I was still holding in my hand, and the tears started to well up. I was a disappointment - I was disappointed - simply because I hadn't managed to eat again. I was a disappointment - and a failure - because I hadn't succeeded at the Staffordshire Way FKT back in February. I hate negativity, but it had now gone into overdrive, and all I wanted to do was stop.
I arrived back at the corral as the 3 minute warning whistle was blown. I could easily have gone out on that 15th lap, I would likely have made it back in time again too, but I was still wondering what it was I was trying to prove, what benefit would completing a 15th lap bring. Andy encouraged me to head out again, saying I had said I wouldn't quit until I'd left everything out on the course - after five bush dives out there, I felt like I had left more than enough out there and headed back to our tent. I hadn't taken the pups with me at the weekend, and all I needed in that moment was to feel the warmth and comfort of those puppy snuggles I often talk about. I felt terribly disappointed, but all I had was one of Wilson's toys - a soft stuffy dog - that he had been playing with just yesterday. I climbed into the sleeping bag with those toy dog, held it tightly to my chest, and sobbed my heart out until I fell into a fitful sleep .....
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| Afterwards .... |
It's now Monday afternoon as I write this, and the disappointment of stopping at 14 yards is already starting to fade. My legs are achy, my back and hip have tightened up again, and I have to remind myself that I still ran close to 100km on Saturday in addition to handling everything else, both physically and emotionally. That's not to be sniffed at and I really shouldn't be so hard on myself. Regardless of my performance, I still made a contribution to another successful event at Lakou, where lots of other runners still hit their personal bests, where they pushed themselves beyond what they thought they were capable of. There was even a new course record set with the winner hitting an incredible 31 yards, finishing on a very wet and chilly Sunday morning when pretty much everybody else had already gone home. You see, that's the thing with running - we all have our own goals and we all face our own victories as well as our own disappointments, but at the end of the day, we can find comfort in other people's success and their stories. Yes, we run the same event, but we all have a different story to tell, and we can all learn from each other, both the good and the bad ... and the ugly!
For me personally, this weekend I completed another ultra. It wasn't my best, it may or may not have been my worst, but I have learnt from it yet again, and it's time to move on. Time to put that learning into practice as I prepare for other races this year. I have Crazy Muley in a couple of weeks, and then Survivorfest 24-hour. I may have another crappy run, but then again I might have the run of my life. Time will tell, and whilst my confidence has been knocked a little again this weekend, I'm still heading into these races with a far better outlook, regardless of the result.
